Being Kinder to Myself!

I have not blogged for ages, due to ‘unforeseen’ circumstances! Where does depression come from and why do we out of the blue suddenly suffer from it?

I am not in the least a depressive person and spend my life with the glass, half full and jolly any family member along if they have a personal crisis. Suddenly after a tummy bug at the beginning of December I ended up feeling as black as black.

I don’t do depression, I told myself! I was ashamed of myself and introverted into myself. I got a surprise every time I looked in the mirror as I looked normal, OK, not ugly and old, as I felt I deserved to look. I went to the Doc’s quoting insomnia as my problem, my Doc is a clever time giving Indian lady who saw through me straight away and sat and talked to me despite a waiting room full of far more needy and worthy patients than me. I, or we came to the decision of not taking medication as I have a fear of antidepressants which has sprung from living with a manic depressive and alcoholic Mother for all my growing up years (hence my shame and fear of depression)

Christmas was strange for me, it is a time of year that I love, as all the family is together. I tried to be as normal as possible with the support and help of Barry and got through it. I apologise now to any-one who found me strange and horrible! I tried to be me, but me had gone elsewhere for a while. I told no-one of my problem except Barry.

I am glad to say me, has returned! With patience and a period of being a little kinder to myself and some life changing decisions taken, I am almost back to myself. The only medication I have taken is wholesome food, fresh air, and a little St Johns Wort, a herbal remedy. And a belief that all things will pass in time.