The Slimming Club experience

Firstly Hubby BJ came home with a joke last night. I was ready for the usual long story with a dodgy ending but it went like this... "Two blondes walked into a building today" I waited as he paused for effect, "Well, you would of thought at least one of them would of seen it"

I, and my next door neighbour in a moment of madness and in the effects of alcohol decided it would be a good idea to join the local slimming club. She, I must say is as thin as a pin already and would disappear completely if she stood behind a lamp post. I, on the other hand have got the beginnings of the dreaded middle age spread. So on the appointed day and the appointed hour, we attend out first meeting.
First we get 'The New member Talk' given by the sleek, shiny and skinny tiny doll like creature who looks about fourteen, she tried to convince me she was 26 years old! No child has ever passed through those hips methinks! She tries to convince us that this programme is the best thing since sliced bread (so long as you don't eat it) and only greedy Muppets fail on it.
She did however impress us with her newspaper clippings of her at about 100 stone! She sure must of blocked a lot of light from a lot of large windows in those days.

She told us of the pain and humiliation of not being able to wear nice clothes and how shorts would ride up her legs. 'SHORTS' a large parachute would not of covered her posterior.
Anyway we were impressed enough to join, so we were escorted to the desk where we had to part with a enough money to keep Dawn French in chocolate for at least four hours. Then we had to be weighed (in confidence ladies). The weighing lady had a great delight in pointing out the page in the book which gave the ideal weight for your height. As I am the height of a twelve year old pre-pubescent child the weight seemed to correspond with this fact. I have not weighed this amount since I WAS a twelve year old pre-pubescent child, nor will I ever weigh this little again.

The meeting started for real and consisted of announcing the losses/gains of all members attending. We all had to applaud or commiserate accordingly, these proceedings took an hour and half, I truly had lost the will to live and felt like a seal in a circus with all that half hearted clapping.
I thought any minute now there will be a 'Who Ate All the Pies ' award. In fact they did have a slimmer of the week award, a pretty young girl who had lost two stone (not in a week, you understand) and had one more to go. Maybe it does work then.

I have sussed out how it works now, the plan is so complicated that by the time you have decided if you are on a 'Red' day or a 'green' day and what can be eaten on which day you don't have the time or inclination to eat! I discovered that my usual bowl of cornflakes and fruit is classed as 5 'syns', (15 syns allowed a day, my usual class of Bell's is only 2.5 maybe I should have that for breakfast instead.) how on earth can a healthy breakfast be a syn, I ask you.
I will give it a bit of a go as neighbour is keen to continue and I would truly like to lose a stone in order to lower the ever rising blood pressure. Mind you I will still eat the banned cornflakes, I have just bought a new box.
Going round to my niece and new hubbies house for a meal tonight, she has promised us a Thai curry, is that a red or green day? Oooh... The calories!